


as long as i'm here

by silverplace



Series: you with me. [2]
Category: Undertale (Video Game)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Swapfell (Undertale), Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Based on a Billie Eilish Song, Everyone Needs A Hug, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Gen, Gender-Neutral Pronouns, M/M, Pain, Past Relationship(s), Protective Sans (Undertale), Reader Is Not Chara (Undertale), Reader Is Not Frisk (Undertale), Reader-Insert, Suicide Attempt, Swapfell Sans (Undertale), Worried Sans (Undertale)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-28
Updated: 2020-03-01
Packaged: 2021-02-27 21:41:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 5,127
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22932736
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/silverplace/pseuds/silverplace
Summary: Black volunteers for a suicide hotline, inspired by his brother's struggles and determined to help others like Rus was helped.You... were the last person he was expecting to hear on the other side of the call.* A Swapfell/Fellswap Red fic.
Relationships: Sans (Undertale)/Reader, Sans (Undertale)/You
Series: you with me. [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1648231
Comments: 11
Kudos: 168





	1. part one

**Author's Note:**

> as long as i'm here, no-one can hurt you.
> 
> * writing big sadfics at 2am? yes

Sunset had hit the sky in the gentlest explosion of oranges and purples, and you gazed at it as you wandered slowly across the bridge. The water shone and sparkled in the dying rays of the sun, an enticing sea of light that beckoned you forwards as you stopped in your tracks to rest your elbows on the guard rail of the bridge. How easy it would be to end it all here, in the quiet of the day's end. The sunset of your life could well be right here.

You stepped up, hoisting yourself onto the railing until you were perched uncomfortably, legs dangling over the edge. A thrill ran up your spine, having nothing to do with the cold wind and everything to do with the stretch of water below you. Were you really going to do this?

A sign caught your attention. _'There is hope, make the call.'_ A public phone, attached to the structure of the bridge, just within arm's reach. Why hadn't you noticed it before? And, most importantly, why were you tempted?

You felt your hand go for the reciever, your brain blindly reaching out in some last-ditch attempt to save itself, and you let it. 

Trembling, you picked up the phone.

_"You have reached the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline. If you are in emotional distress or suicidal crisis or are concerned about someone who might be, we're here to help. Please remain on the line while we route your call to the nearest crisis center in our network."_

"HELLO?"

For a few beats, you didn't answer, startled at the voice on the other end of the line. Why did it sound... _familiar?_

"ARE YOU ALRIGHT?"

"No? I... no. I'm on a bridge." Your hands clutched the railing, white knuckled and shaking.

"CAN I ASK YOUR LOCATION?"

Your hands trembled, fingers tightening around the corded phone. "Uh - Golden Gate Bridge. I -"

"YOU'RE... HAVING SUICIDAL THOUGHTS?"

 _God, this voice..._ "Do I know you?" You blurted suddenly, overcome with curiosity and, for some reason, a burning sense of dread. You just couldn't put your finger on why.

The call responder hesitated. "I CAN'T SAY I KNOW ANYONE WILLING TO PUT THEMSELVES IN THE POSITION YOU'RE IN. ARE YOU SAFE, CURRENTLY? I CAN HAVE SOMEONE SENT OUT TO YOU IF YOU'RE IN NEED."

"No." You eyed the water below you. "No point."

"WHAT DO YOU MEAN BY THAT?"

"They won't turn up on time."

There was a soft intake of breath on the other side of the call. "I... CAN YOU STEP AWAY FROM THE RAILING IF YOU'RE CLOSE TO IT?" There was a pause, then: "GOLDEN GATE BRIDGE, CORRECT? I'M AFRAID I'LL HAVE TO SEND SOMEONE TO YOUR LOCATION UNLESS I CAN ASSURE THAT YOU'RE SAFE."

"I'm sat on the railing. I'm sorry. Just wanna jump." Your voice turned flat, not caring if he sent someone for you. This plan had been solid for a while, after all.

Through the static, you faintly heard the sound of teeth being ground together, followed the _tak-tak-tak_ of typing on a keyboard. "SOMEONE'S ON THEIR WAY. THEY'RE GOING TO HELP. _I'M_ GOING TO HELP. CAN YOU TELL ME YOUR NAME?"

"No."

"THAT'S ALRIGHT. DO YOU WANT TO TELL ME WHAT BROUGHT YOU TO THE BRIDGE TONIGHT?"

"Not really. It's just shit."

"HOW SO?"

"I just don't see any point in being alive anymore. I'm sick of waking up. I'm sick of being stuck being me. I'm sick of being alone." Tears suddenly sprang to the corners of your eyes, and you blinked them away.

"DO YOU HAVE FAMILY MEMBERS OR FRIENDS YOU CAN TALK TO ABOUT THIS?"

Only just catching the words through the slightly warped receiver, you bit your lip. "No friends. Got dumped, like, a month ago. My dad's dead and -" you gave a short, humourless laugh "- my mother doesn't give a shit about me."

"I SEE. THAT SOUNDS INCREDIBLY DIFFICULT. I'M EXTREMELY PROUD OF YOU FOR REACHING OUT, I MUST LET YOU KNOW. IT IS NEVER EASY TO ASK FOR HELP FROM OTHERS WHEN YOU ARE USED TO BEING ALONE. ARE YOU STILL ON THE RAILING?"

"Yeah."

"IS THERE A CHANCE I CAN ASK YOU TO CLIMB DOWN? I AM WORRIED FOR YOU."

The way that was worded sent a pang of recognition to your heart, and you shook off the warm feeling it gave you. What a ridiculous notion. Granted, the static did a good job of masking the voice on the phone - but even so, you'd have known straight away if the voice belonged to _him_. Wouldn't you? You shook your head, trying to brush off the idea that was worming its way into your mind. You were still seeing him everywhere, it seemed.

"ARE YOU STILL THERE?" Static did nothing to cover the concern in his voice.

"Y-yeah."

There was a quiet sigh of relief, as if a held breath was being released. "GOOD. I'M NOT GOING TO PRESSURE YOU TO GET DOWN, BUT I WANT YOU TO KNOW THAT YOU'RE NOT ALONE RIGHT NOW. YOU DON'T HAVE TO BE ALONE, AND YOU DON'T HAVE TO LIVE YOUR LIFE IN AS MUCH PAIN AS YOU'RE IN RIGHT NOW. THERE ARE PEOPLE ON THEIR WAY TO HELP YOU, ALL I'M ASKING IS FOR YOU TO SIT TIGHT AND HOLD ON AS LONG AS YOU CAN. CAN YOU DO THAT FOR ME?"

Your voice broke. "Yeah."

"GOOD." He seemed satisfied. "ARE YOU FEELING ANY CALMER?"

"Mm. A little," you mumbled. Gosh, this railing really was uncomfortable, you noted. The cold of the metal had started to seep through your clothes to chill your skin, and you shifted slightly, unknowingly edging closer to the phone box. In doing so, the wire twisted _just so_ , and the voice on the other end was suddenly clear as day.

"I'M GLAD. JUST KEEP HOLDING ON, OKAY?"

Your breath left you in a whoosh.

_Oh._

_Oh, God._

Your vision went a little fuzzy, and suddenly you felt sick, your heart stuttering in your chest. The dread that had lingered before now rose in your lungs twentyfold, and you almost dropped the receiver in your shock. Vaguely, you heard him asking if you were alright, but ringing in your ears drowned his voice out even more than the static had.

Your mouth moved before you could stop it. _"Black?"_

Silence. 

As your hearing returned to normal and the sick feeling subsided, you found yourself shaking and gripping your metal seat with a much tighter hold, still clutching the reciever to your ear and waiting with bated breath. You regretted everything that had led up to this situation. Couldn't you just slam the reciever down now and fling yourself off the bridge? Was it too late to say: _'oops, nevermind, wrong number'?_ Eyes slamming shut, you prepared to jump.

That was, until the voice stopped you. It sounded broken, hollow, shocked and pained, and the way your name was spoken sent chills up your spine. No fucking way. It really _was_ him. The phone tumbled from your grasp.

He said your name again, and your heart thudded against your ribcage. "WHY," he started, voice cracking, "Why? Why Did It Have To Be _You?"_ His voice was much quieter, much less assured than normal, his usual boisterous tone abandoned in his shock. You heard him take a step closer to you.

"What's that supposed to mean?" You managed, forcing the words out even as your voice betrayed you, sounding raw even to your own ears.

Black's breathing was uneven, you noted, as he took another step towards you. And then another, his steps slow and carefully measured, as if he were approaching a wild animal.

Your eyes caught on the edges of your shoes as you turned your gaze to the water again, and saw with a start that your shoes, your feet, your legs, your whole body - it was encased in the soft glow of Black's magic. He was holding you in place. _Goddamnit_.

"It Means," he muttered, "It Means I Never Fucking Wanted To See You Here. Like This."

"Sorry for ruining your workday," you snarled, suddenly furious. "And don't be stupid. You never fucking wanted to see me at all!" You regretted the words as soon as they were out of your mouth.

Black audibly flinched, and you heard him suck in a breath. He was hurt. _Good_.

But you weren't finished yet, oh no. "Why are you here? Why can't you just leave me to die? You're good at leaving me. Just fuckin' do it again, will you?" Your voice, which had started out strong, wavered and tapered off into a whisper at the end.

"No," Black said firmly, taking another step closer. "I Am Not Leaving You Here. Not Like This."

You almost laughed. "Oh, gonna wait until I'm off the bridge first? Get your job done, then drop me again? Save it. Stop wasting your time."

"You Will Never Be A Waste Of My Time. Please, Listen To Me. I -"

"I don't want to. Let me go," you said stubbornly.

"No," Black said, just as stubbornly. "Never Again."

Sonething in you snapped at that, and you had to force down the lump in your throat as your eyes swam with tears. Had you ever stopped loving Black? Even now, your Soul was crying out for him, and he knew it. "Asshole," you said thickly, through tears, and for lack of anything else to say. You didn't want to push him away anymore. You were tired.

He seemed to understand, his gentle hands reaching up and pulling you off the ledge, phalanges wrapping around your arm to help you as you climbed down. You gave in to him immediately. His touch was so much warmer than you remembered, and fresh tears dripped unbidden down your cheeks even as you lowered your head in shame. You didn't meet his eyes, choosing instead to stare as your feet finally hit the ground on the other side of the railing. Immediately, you were in Black's arms.

"Idiot," he muttered into your hair. He was shaking, with relief or fear you didn't know. "Fucking Idiot. Don't Ever Do That Again."

Your arms stayed at your sides, but you were shaking too. "Don't worry," you whispered. "I won't dawdle next time."

His fingers dug into your sides, not painfully, but as a reprimand. "That's Not Funny," he hissed. "Promise You Won't Do This Again. I Can't - I Won't Lose You."

"You lost me a month ago."

"I Know," he moaned painfully. He pulled you even closer against his chest. "I Miss You Every Fucking Day. Every Fucking Day, I Wish I Wasn't Such An Idiot. I Wish I Still Had You."

"Why?" You whispered brokenly. "Why are you such an idiot?"

He laughed, but he was still trembling, face buried in your hair and breathing you in as if he were drowning. "I Don't Know. I... Wholly Believed I Was Doing The Right Thing. With Everything That Happened, I... I Thought I Was Only Putting You In Danger."

"Stupid," you said, voice thick with emotion. Your head hit Black's collarbone as you started to relax against him, and he pulled you impossibly closer with a breath that sounded almost like a sob.

"You're The Stupid One. _You're The Idiot!"_ He pulled back slightly then, his voice raising to normal volume as he gave you a tear-stained glare. "WHAT WERE YOU _THINKING!? KILLING YOURSELF?_ DO YOU UNDERSTAND - I -" fumbling with his words, he watched you closely with shaking eyelights. "YOU... TO JUST _END_ IT? LIKE THAT? WHAT ABOUT EVERYTHING ELSE? EVERYONE ELSE? WHAT ABOUT _YOU?_ YOU _CAN'T_ BE HAPPY WITH THIS, I REFUSE TO BELIEVE YOU'D TAKE SUCH DRASTIC MEASURES, I-" he took a deep breath before continuing. "YOU HAVE SO MANY THINGS YOU WANT TO DO STILL, I _KNOW_ YOU DO. I KNOW IT'S HARD, AND I - GOD, I'M SO FUCKING SORRY, I REGRETTED LEAVING YOU AS SOON AS I DID IT BECAUSE DAMN IT I NEVER WANTED YOU TO FEEL ALONE LIKE THIS! I TRIED TO CONTACT YOU, MY BROTHER TRIED TO CONTACT YOU, BUT YOU - ARE YOU JUST BENT ON MAKING YOURSELF MISERABLE? DRIVING YOURSELF TO THE POINT OF SUICIDE!?" Black ran a hand down his face, harrowed. "THIS... NO, THIS IS MY FAULT, TOO. I SHOULD'VE... I SHOULD'VE STAYED, I SHOULD'VE HELPED YOU THROUGH THIS, I SHOULD'VE BEEN THERE BUT INSTEAD I CHOSE SOME FOOLISH ACT OF HEROISM THAT ULTIMATELY HELPED NOBODY. GOD, I..." He looked miserably at you. "I Am So Sorry."

Finally, slowly, you lifted your arms and placed them gently around his back, weakly hugging him with all the strength your shaking limbs had. He practically fell into you, melting into your tentative embrace and pulling you as close as he possibly could without giving you bruises.

"I Can't Lose You," he whimpered, and you held him tighter as his voice cracked with despair and the boy you loved fell apart in your arms.

"You won't," you replied softly. "I'm... I'm so sorry."

"Promise Me. Promise You Won't Do This Again."

"I..."

" _Please_."

"Black..."

"You're The Only One I'd Ever Let See Me Like This. You're The Only One I've Ever Loved Like This. Please, Just Promise Me. You Don't Have To Stay With Me, I Know I Fucked Up, But Damn It You _Have_ To Live. If Not For Me, Then For Yourself."

"I... I promise."

Black sagged against you, tension draining out of his body as he shook and held you closer. "Thank You."

You let him hold you in silence for a while, basking in his warmth, before speaking up tentatively. "... Black?" 

"Yes, My Love?"

A thrill went through you at the familiar pet name, and you managed a slight smile. "Can... can we go home?"

Black's smile was just as warm as he was. "Of Course, My Love.

"Let's Go Home."


	2. part two

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> if i could change the way that you see yourself,   
> you wouldn't wonder why you're here.
> 
> i don't deserve you.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> bonus chapter! it's a little rushed but i hope it still reads okay!

  
It had been merely two weeks since Black had started as a suicide hotline call responder after his training, and every day had been just as eventful as the one before it. On this particular day, it was a calm evening, and Black was not far from finishing his day's work, one or two calls away from packing up and heading home to his brother.

This job, as emotionally exhausting as it sometimes was, was a good distraction from the thoughts that incessantly plagued Black's mind since a month ago. Thoughts of you. Thoughts of how much quieter the house was without you around. Why did he have to mess things up so badly? All he wanted was to keep you safe, and out of danger. How could he do that with everything that had happened?

It... doesn't do to dwell, and Black had to remind himself to focus when another call came through. Immediately, he answered. "HELLO?" There was a pause. "ARE YOU ALRIGHT?"

The voice came through slightly warped, static making it difficult to make out its features. "No? I... no. I'm on a bridge."

Black adjusted his headset. "CAN I ASK YOUR LOCATION?"

"Uh - Golden Gate Bridge. I -"

His brow furrowed slightly. The static that was coming through the headset was masking the voice of whoever had called, but he could sense their despair as clear as day. Was the cable damaged? Making a mental note to look into it later, he continued speaking. "YOU'RE... HAVING SUICIDAL THOUGHTS?"

"Do I... know you?"

Black hesitated at the sudden question, listening closely to the voice. While he couldn't deny there was something familiar about it, he had a job to do, and he wasn't going to let himself get distracted from trying to save this person's life. "I CAN'T SAY I KNOW ANYONE WILLING TO PUT THEMSELVES IN THE POSITION YOU'RE IN. ARE YOU SAFE, CURRENTLY? I CAN HAVE SOMEONE SENT OUT TO YOU IF YOU'RE IN NEED."

"No." They paused for a second, then: "no point."

"WHAT DO YOU MEAN BY THAT?"

"They won't turn up on time."

Sucking in a breath, Black felt his Soul drop a little in dread for the person on the other end of the line. He'd seen this hopeless mentality in his brother too many times, and hearing the same despair from a stranger twisted his non-existent guts in unease. "I... CAN YOU STEP AWAY FROM THE RAILING IF YOU'RE CLOSE TO IT?" He paused, bringing up a new screen on the computer in front of him, then: "GOLDEN GATE BRIDGE, CORRECT? I'M AFRAID I'LL HAVE TO SEND SOMEONE TO YOUR LOCATION UNLESS I CAN ASSURE THAT YOU'RE SAFE."

"I'm sat on the railing. I'm sorry. Just wanna jump."

Damnit. Something cold and icy had its hands around Black's Soul, and he couldn't explain the reason his reaction was so intense. Who was this person? He'd never been this invested in a stranger's safety before - he'd had distressing calls in the past, yes - but something about this one was setting all his nerves on edge. A voice in his head screamed, ' _DO SOMETHING! DO SOMETHING, NOW!'_ He was quick in arranging help, grinding his teeth in frustration as he tried to figure out just why he was so damn anxious. "SOMEONE'S ON THEIR WAY. THEY'RE GOING TO HELP. _I'M_ GOING TO HELP. CAN YOU TELL ME YOUR NAME?"

"No."

"THAT'S ALRIGHT. DO YOU WANT TO TELL ME WHAT BROUGHT YOU TO THE BRIDGE TONIGHT?" Despite his mounting fear, he kept his calm facade in place and forced himself back into work mode. _STAY PROFESSIONAL, DAMN IT._

"Not really. It's just shit."

"HOW SO?"

"I just don't see any point in being alive anymore. I'm sick of waking up. I'm sick of being stuck being me. I'm sick of being alone." They were clearly crying now, their voice - despite how warped it was through the receiver - thick with emotion.

Another pang went through Black's Soul, and he found himself mindlessly fidgeting with the cables. "DO YOU HAVE FAMILY MEMBERS OR FRIENDS YOU CAN TALK TO ABOUT THIS?"

"No friends. Got dumped, like, a month ago. My dad's dead and -" there was a short, humourless laugh "- my mother doesn't give a shit about me."

"I SEE. THAT SOUNDS INCREDIBLY DIFFICULT. I'M EXTREMELY PROUD OF YOU FOR REACHING OUT, I MUST LET YOU KNOW. IT IS NEVER EASY TO ASK FOR HELP FROM OTHERS WHEN YOU ARE USED TO BEING ALONE. ARE YOU STILL ON THE RAILING?"

"Yeah."

"IS THERE A CHANCE I CAN ASK YOU TO CLIMB DOWN? I AM WORRIED FOR YOU." There was a long pause then, and Black's fear mounted to a head. _Please, let them be okay._ "ARE YOU STILL THERE?"

"Y-yeah."

Pure relief washed over him at the sound of their voice, and he couldn't hold back a sigh. His fingers twitched anxiously on the keyboard. "GOOD. I'M NOT GOING TO PRESSURE YOU TO GET DOWN, BUT I WANT YOU TO KNOW THAT YOU'RE NOT ALONE RIGHT NOW. YOU DON'T HAVE TO BE ALONE, AND YOU DON'T HAVE TO LIVE YOUR LIFE IN AS MUCH PAIN AS YOU'RE IN RIGHT NOW. THERE ARE PEOPLE ON THEIR WAY TO HELP YOU, ALL I'M ASKING IS FOR YOU TO SIT TIGHT AND HOLD ON AS LONG AS YOU CAN. CAN YOU DO THAT FOR ME?"

"Yeah."

Black's Soul clenched again at the way their voice broke, but it was overshadowed by the relief their confirmation brought him. "GOOD. ARE YOU FEELING ANY CALMER?"

"Mm. A little," they mumbled.

"I'M GLAD. JUST KEEP HOLDING ON, OKAY?" He could do this. Help was on the way to them, and they were going to be fine. So... what was this painful knot of tension doing in his chest?

Suddenly, there was a gasp on the other end of the line, and then silence fell. Black sat bolt upright, fearing the worst and hoping against hope to hear their voice coming through again. "ARE YOU STILL THERE? ARE YOU ALRIGHT?"

" _Black_?"

If he had a heart, it would've stopped. He knew that voice. He'd recognise that voice anywhere. _God, no, please don't let it be them, please -_

He ripped the headset off and dropped it on the table, ignoring the confused looks of his coworkers as he shortcutted straight out of the office building and onto the bridge. It took him less than thirty seconds to find you, scanning the area and taking shortcuts as fast as he possibly could. All the while, his magic was going wild with panic in his chest, sparks flying from his fingers and his eyelights had shrunk down to pinpricks. _Where are you, where are you, THERE-_

He found you. Immediately, he caught your Soul as gently as he could with his magic, using it to hold you in place as he attempted to calm himself down enough to speak. "Y/N."

You dropped the corded phone, and Black watched it tumble from your grip. Seeing you on this bridge, so close to death, sent the worst kind of fear through his marrow. He was shaking, he realised, eyesockets wide in horror as he tried to comprehend what was going on. It really _was_ you. He said your name again. "WHY," he started, voice cracking, "Why? Why Did It Have To Be You?" His voice quietened, and it took all his effort to make it sound as calm as he could. Trembling, he took a step closer to you. Even with his magic protecting you from the fall, he was still _so terrified -_

"What's that supposed to mean?" Your voice sounded raw and pained, and it sent chills down Black's spine.

Black took another step towards you. And then another, his steps slow and carefully measured.

"It Means," he muttered, "It Means I Never Fucking Wanted To See You Here. Like This."

"Sorry for ruining your workday," you snarled, sounding furious. "And don't be stupid. You never fucking wanted to see me at all!"

Black flinched. Your words felt like a knife wedged in his ribcage, and his brain went blank for a split second. Was that... really what you thought? That he didn't want to see you? You couldn't be more wrong, and as soon as he found his words, he rushed to tell you so. Before he could get a word out, however -

"Why are you here?" You continued, and Black could only watch in despair as your voice wobbled. He _has_ to get you down from that railing, and quick. "Why can't you just leave me to die? You're good at leaving me. Just fuckin' do it again, will you?" Your voice tapered off into a whisper at the end.

"No," Black said firmly, taking another step closer. "I Am Not Leaving You Here. Not Like This." He'd be damned if he ever let you die on his watch. Not ever. Not like this. Didn't you hear how his Soul was singing its mournful song, just for you? It felt like it was being ripped in half the longer you sat on the edge of death.

"Oh, gonna wait until I'm off the bridge first? Get your job done, then drop me again? Save it. Stop wasting your time."

_Waste his time?_ _You_ , a waste of his time? Talking to you again was like a breath of fresh air after this past month of suffocating silence, even like this. Guilt started to well up in his throat. He _never_ should have left you. He never should have given you reason to believe he didn't care about you, didn't love you with every fiber of his being. Oh _stars_ , what had he done? "You Will Never Be A Waste Of My Time. Please, Listen To Me. I -"

"I don't want to. Let me go," you said stubbornly.

"No," Black said, just as stubbornly. "Never Again."

"Asshole," you said thickly, through tears, and once again Black felt his Soul shudder in pain for you as your own cried out for him.

_I'm here_ , he wanted to say. _I'm here now, and it's okay._

Instead, he reached up to pull you off the ledge, phalanges wrapping around your arm to help as you climbed down. Stars, you felt so fragile in his hands, limbs trembling as he helped you off the ledge, and he knew he wouldn't feel alright again until you had both feet on the ground and was safely in his arms. As soon as you were down, he pulled you into an embrace.

You were so warm. And so, so soft. Stars, he'd missed you so _fucking_ much. Every atom of his body felt like it was being pulled towards yours, as if he was a planet and you were his sun, pulling him in with an irresistible gravity. He'd keep you safe. He wouldn't let this happen again. If he ever let you go now, he wouldn't be able to forgive himself. Still trembling in fear, Black let your warmth wash over him as he tried to calm himself down. He didn't care if you didn't hug him back. You were here now, and you were safe. That's all he wanted.

"Idiot," he muttered into your hair. "Fucking Idiot. Don't Ever Do That Again."

"Don't worry," you whispered. "I won't dawdle next time."

Black dug his fingers gently into your sides, as a soft reprimand. He shook in fear at the idea of there being a next time, of the possibility that you would be up on this bridge again, and he wouldn't be fast enough to save you. "That's Not Funny," he hissed. "Promise You Won't Do This Again. I Can't - I _Won't_ Lose You."

"You lost me a month ago."

_Fuck_. "I Know," he moaned painfully. He pulled you even closer against his chest, desperate to reassure himself that you were still here, clinging to the moment. "I Miss You Every Fucking Day. Every Fucking Day, I Wish I Wasn't Such An Idiot. I Wish I Still Had You."

"Why?" You whispered brokenly. "Why are you such an idiot?"

He laughed, but he was still trembling. Why, indeed. He buried his face in your hair, breathing in your oh-so-familiar scent. Stars, you still used the same shampoo. You smelled like vanilla. "I Don't Know. I... Wholly Believed I Was Doing The Right Thing. With Everything That Happened, I... I Thought I Was Only Putting You In Danger."

"Stupid," you said, voice muffled as you finally started to relax against him, and relief swept through his entire body.

Taking in a painful breath, he tried to find the words to explain just how much pain and fear you'd just caused him. "You're The Stupid One. _You're The Idiot!_ " He pulled back slightly then, his voice raising to normal volume as he gave you a tear-stained glare. He didn't even realise when he'd started crying, but he couldn't find it in himself to care. "WHAT WERE YOU THINKING!? _KILLING YOURSELF?_ DO YOU UNDERSTAND - I -" fumbling with his words, he watched you closely with shaking eyelights. "YOU... TO JUST _END_ IT? LIKE THAT? WHAT ABOUT EVERYTHING ELSE? EVERYONE ELSE? WHAT ABOUT _YOU?_ YOU CAN'T BE HAPPY WITH THIS, I _REFUSE_ TO BELIEVE YOU'D TAKE SUCH DRASTIC MEASURES, I-" he took a deep breath before continuing. "YOU HAVE SO MANY THINGS YOU WANT TO DO STILL, I _KNOW_ YOU DO. I KNOW IT'S HARD, AND I - GOD, I'M SO FUCKING SORRY, I REGRETTED LEAVING YOU AS SOON AS I DID IT BECAUSE DAMN IT I NEVER WANTED YOU TO FEEL ALONE LIKE THIS! I TRIED TO CONTACT YOU, MY BROTHER TRIED TO CONTACT YOU, BUT YOU - ARE YOU JUST BENT ON MAKING YOURSELF MISERABLE? DRIVING YOURSELF TO THE POINT OF _SUICIDE!?"_ Black ran a hand down his face, harrowed. "THIS... NO, THIS IS MY FAULT, TOO. I SHOULD'VE... I SHOULD'VE STAYED, I SHOULD'VE HELPED YOU THROUGH THIS, I SHOULD'VE BEEN THERE BUT INSTEAD I CHOSE SOME FOOLISH ACT OF HEROISM THAT ULTIMATELY HELPED NOBODY. GOD, I..." He looked miserably at you. "I Am So Sorry."

Finally, slowly, he felt your arms go around his back in a gentle and tentative hug. He immediately held his breath until you stopped moving, rigid with the fear that this could be ripped away from him at any moment, with one wrong move. After you settled gently around him, though, he couldn't help himself from melting into your embrace and pulling you as close as he possibly could. _Thank stars._

"I Can't Lose You," he whimpered, and your embrace tightened as his voice cracked with despair, trying pathetically not to fall apart right here and now.

"You won't," he heard you reply softly. "I'm... I'm so sorry."

"Promise Me. Promise You Won't Do This Again."

_I can't lose you. Please don't leave me._

"I..."

_Please. Don't leave._

_Don't hurt yourself._

_Dont do this._

_Don't take your life and leave all of what could be behind just because you are afraid of what might happen._

_Please don't end this story. Please don't let everything we made be for nothing._

_Don't let these thoughts win._

_Don't give in._

_Don't run away._

"Please."

"Black..."

_I'm begging you._

"You're The Only One I'd Ever Let See Me Like This. You're The Only One I've Ever Loved Like This. Please, Just Promise Me. You Don't Have To Stay With Me, I Know I Fucked Up, But Damn It You Have To Live. If Not For Me, Then For Yourself."

"I... I promise."

_Oh, thank fucking stars_. More tears slipped from his eyesockets as he sagged against you, tension draining out of his body as he shook and held you closer. "Thank You." 

_Thank you._

He held you in silence for a while, just allowing the relief and warmth your presence brought him to soothe his frayed nerves and mournful Soul, the little heart in his chest sending waves of love to you that he knew you wouldn't hear. 

"... Black?" 

"Yes, My Love?"

A slight smile graced your features, and Black's Soul leapt at the sight of it. He loved you so much. "Can..." you started nervously, looking up at him for his reaction, "can we go home?"

_Can we go home?_ The words echoed around his skull and filled him with hope, a shining hope that maybe, just maybe, he could fix this. He'd get you the help you needed, of course, and he'd make sure you never felt this alone for as long as you wanted him. He never wanted this to happen again. He'd been terrified - _so terrified_ , that now that you were here with him? Now that you wanted to go home with him? He didn't want to let you out of his sight.

Black smiled gently down at you, Soul finally singing something joyous. "Of Course, My Love.

"Let's Go Home."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hee hee i had some fun with this

**Author's Note:**

> Black: YOU ARE STAYING WITH ME FOR THE FORSEEABLE FUTURE. IF I FIND OUT THAT YOU'VE LEFT THE HOUSE WITHOUT MY KNOWLEDGE AND PERMISSION, YOU! WILL! BE! IN! TROUBLE!
> 
> Black: I'VE ALSO MADE YOU A DOCTOR'S APPOINTMENT. YOU ARE TO ATTEND IT! UNDERSTOOD?
> 
> ,, he's a lil overprotective but leave him be, he's gone through a lot


End file.
